Preface: This is an "it resonates or it doesn't" post: INTENT: DO NO HARM
I'm going to share two powerful videos. The first one is a video with the DNA science when this accidental element was discovered! There are places in the spaces in between that haven't been looked at within the molecular structure of certain genes. This is a powerful discovery for women's health that has changed, moved and shifted the trajectory of women's physiological health in ways I could only dream of! It's VERY exciting news for the future of women's health on so many layers and levels....
This is my personal definition: PMDD is the much stronger sister of PMS. In a nutshell, women who suffer from PMDD are allergic to their own sex hormones during a very specific phase of their monthly cycle. The severity of what it means to be allergic to your own sex hormones varies within a PMDD spectrum. It is a very real thing for women and I try to keep my own PMDD in mind while allowing other women to tell us what their PMDD truth is.
Is medical gas lighting silencing those with PMDD?
The story in the video might make you feel a few things, sadness may be one of them. For me, what captured my attention was how 1 out of 8 women suffer from this while many people have never heard of it. 1 in 3 sufferers will think about suicide. That is intense for me because I would be one of the other two who has never experienced that personally, however: being in all of the female hormonal rooms I see this type of emotion every single day from women all over the world. Not in "America" but actually globally. Her remedy was extreme and it is what drives a lot of women to removing their lady parts. SBS Australia shinning light on this is a huge incredible thing for women's health. You can not help or shine light on things you are not acknowledging when they do exist.
The second woman her story "You're supposed to be a yummy mummy"
What makes this video most powerful is the unique solutions for each woman while the end result will be similar. "It's our chemistry not our character"
"Track your cycle, you're not alone, don't give up"
As I’ve mentioned in my previous post
I’m in year six of my own unique experience with what it means to move through the normal rite of passage called: A Woman’s Peri-meno-Post Menopausal Journey. IN MY OWN LIFE NOW The PMDD thing is more of a shadow in my memory, something to be mindful about and conscious of vs something I’m worried about every third week like I used to be for over thirty-four years of my own female physiological career. That is what we call it withinA 𝕎𝕠𝕞𝕒𝕟’𝕤 𝔾𝕦𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕌𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕆𝕨𝕟 ℕ𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕒𝕝 ℝ𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕪𝕞𝕤
Four month journal.
It is its own internal “career.” It’s the same career mindset that any holistic or medical modality has as it relates to a woman's inner health and her well-being through all stages of her life. It's a statement that represents the complexity and oceanic internal workings within female physiology and it's intent is to take women's health and well-being seriously.
It is the why a woman’s “history” is needed within the intake process.From our first periods to our now is always the thread necessary to assess what’s possible now. Other people can minimize this aspect of female health if they want to and they usually do, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t honor our own inner careers or embrace it as such to be able to handle all of our monthly phases/stages. It’s actually wonderful for me to lean in and recognize I have been handling this PMDD thing for over 34 years. I know what I need boundary wise with others to be able to care for myself which is just as important as anything else. Diet and exercise does not have the power to eradicate PMDD. No matter what anyone says, that just isn’t the truth, it takes a lot more than that. That is the distinction between PMS and PMDD. PMS can be completely eradicated with the proper lifestyle. PMDD, not so much. It’s just not how PMDD works. It just isn’t. Not to mention the misdiagnose and double and triple misdiagnose women are labeled with is deeply concerning.
What captured my heart with the mother in the video above from Australia combined with the science is the "Post Childbirth" on-set" piece of the PMDD pie. I felt that, my heart felt that, my life story unfolding felt that. Being the mother of my son Donovan and my son Joseph, felt that. So many parts of me felt that. I felt that even without experiencing the severity she experienced her allergy to her own hormones. I also felt that as the starting point of what caused me to create the LOVE AFFAIR WITH THY SELF MOVEMENT FROM THE START
My ultimate desire and message here is: PMDD exists, when we acknowledge it exists it doesn’t make us victims of it. Acknowledging something’s existence honors it in such a way we can work with it to find innovative new discoveries to help it so that we can move the best way we can so that we can continue to create the hopes, goals and dreams that matter the most to us.
I was thinking about....In the rooms in AA and Ala-non, when people get to a specific place you will often here them say things like: “Be glad you are an alcoholic because you can help another alcoholic like no one else can” and there are 12 steps that anyone can use for any of life’s universal starting growth. It's a way to say, keep serving others as a part of your own recovery.
Allergic to your own hormones. Allergic to alcohol. We are all allergic to something. That just seems true to me at this point in my life.
However, on the Ala-non side, Ala-non people live and learn you can not force anyone to get sober, and both AA and Ala-non communities absolutely know, staying sober is one thing but living an actual life of joy and freedom and a life of sobriety takes a lot of work. It takes more than the 12 steps or maybe it takes "keep coming back" to the 12 steps. I don't know all I do know is....
There are no 12 steps for PMDD because no one has believed women for centuries. However, as we have written in Expanded Family magazine with an article titled: Words of Wisdom from the 12-Step Program. Written by ML Mehan, a well respected academic teacher, you can take on these steps to soften and move things.....
In closing.... there are many ways to be self-loving, to take care, to reach out, to get the support and community you need.
This mornings journal entry.
Day: March 17, 2021 Phase: Cleansing phase (Day 3 of cleansing phase)
****Intention in Journaling during cleansing phase is to journal all that needs to be cleansed to stay on point with hopes, goals and dreams FROM THE JOURNAL: Menstruation Phase/ aka CLEANSING PHASE
The Journaling intention is body/mind heart cleansing. Get it all out, let it all go, feel it or speak it to disappear it. In this phase we are feeling, speaking and writing it as a practice and a process to teach us how to let go more quickly as we use our physiological cleansing days to truly cleanse-as we use the wisdom of our rhythms, giving ourselves permission to allow. In this phase you may feel more tender, more emotional, more sensitive or you may be fine. Either way, the intention is cleansing. You may discover a depth and richness that provides you with relief and self-acceptance. Letting go first thing in the morning may also help you have better days. If now, always get the help you feel you need
This is my personal morning journal from today
Christmas morning ✔️
Valentine’s Day ✔️
✔️And March 15, 2021. Those are my mensuration dates.
Today on St Patrick’s day I woke up all sweaty, feeling puffy with that deep awareness I am bleeding.
Am I growing younger or something?
Or is this return to my previously normal schedule vaccine #1 induced.
I don’t know. Time will tell.
Keeping my data collecting on this 👇🏼
Here’s Why Women Experience Stronger Side Effects to COVID-19 Vaccines
Excerpt: “Simply put, women in general have a stronger response to vaccines because their bodies are quicker and stronger when it comes to activating what the vaccine introduces in the body. “Infectious diseases in general are always about the immune response and not the bug,” said Dr. Larry Schlesinger, president and chief executive officer of the Texas Biomedical Research Institute in San Antonio. “In women, there is an exuberant and stronger response [to many vaccines],” he told Healthline. “There’s actually a lot of science behind this.” In the past, Schlesinger said, a stronger response in females has been seen and studied in vaccines for yellow fever, DPT, influenza, and other illnesses. Schlesinger said estrogen encourages the body to produce more T-cells, the reactor cells that protect us, when a vaccine is introduced. Thus, he said, we see the quicker and stronger response many women experience.”
YOU CAN READ THE HEALTH-LINE ARTICLE BY CLICKING THIS BUTTON BELOW:
Body feels: a lot Mind thinks: cranky Heart is: worried.
Not “worried” about my own body, or my own mind as much as worried about others. After all, I’ve had plenty of experiences waking up in this way. It was my worried heart -not my mind or me being “oh so negative” that needed time and space to move so that I can work with my own worried heart. Not against it.
Very often with children, husbands or partners all throughout my adult life this “heart is worried thing,” is why -waking up extra early to handle this part of how my heart works was so important to me. My heart is always had the desire to love others in the way they needed to be loved. Harder to do when your heart is worried.
It’s also why waking up late, having to rush while my heart was worried caused me so much anxiety and stress.
This is also why all that “level of the mind” only stuff has never had any power to help me.
“It’s all in your head” is something others say and it might be because it’s true for them but I just want to say, that has never been helpful to my heart. All that’s ever did was get in the way of my hearts natural desire to move the way it moves.
Most. Naturally. I can't imagine with all the newer science and much needed deeper look into all the things, that I am alone in that, you know-human being wise. In the Human design model, it is said that 51 % of people have what the call "emotional authority" as their primary gift within their own unique blueprint. This brings me all the way back to this incredible woman and the tools of awareness she gives anyone who may have emotional authority as their gift: Emotional Mastery: The Gifted Wisdom of Unpleasant feelings.
It's SO GOOD! because through her time, research and her education, she has learned that the feelings come before the thoughts and she gives people the opportunity to move the way feelings move. If this is someone's nature it would be a great tool for them.... Check it out, try it on, see what you see....
Now: Back to my Peri-Meno-Postmenopausal journey morning cleanse write:
So I go for these long early morning walks until I find a place to sit and write. There is a woman here who is older than I who works in security. She’s very mellow and she’s always kind. She embodies that Aloha vibe full on. What it means to embody aloha is very different than using Aloha as a cover up for all things. I've noticed this as a distinction here. Not saying it can't grow or evolve or be cultivated but what I am saying is, it's probably a good idea to know if you are truly embodying it or if you are just using it cause you think it makes you appear cool. She is the embodiment of Aloha through and through. Anyway....
We “talk story” for about 5 minutes each time we see one another.
When I expressed this time of life feels like the perfect time to understand the story of my own life better. Seems like my peri-menopause is the perfect time to do that. What I am actually saying is that I am listening and honoring my own natural rhythms. (For those who may be in the mood to argue with me. No need, you can focus on your own natural rhythms and what is true in your own life)
My Security friend though.......Her smile was so wide while shaking her head yes knowingly as she said “It’s like you’re cleaning things up so you can let it all go”
Totally. I call it re-writing but it’s the same thing and I have to wonder how often we are saying the same thing but we get stuck in which words are being used.
She also said:
..... “And young people think you’re crazy. That’s just because they haven’t reached this stage of life yet.”
Yes! It is true in some moments I have to make a conscious effort primarily with my own son, remembering not that he isn’t a mini me but rather...he’s not in his fifties therefore I can not expect him to be where I am or be open to all I have to offer him all the time but that also doesn’t mean I shouldn’t speak up when my heart knows things either.
I think all parents can relate to the truth that we are always working on our communication as art and we are the artists with our children as they continue to move and grow through their own lives.
I love and will close this journal entry with these quotes 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 “When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”
“By silently witnessing our thoughts and feelings, we learn to accept them as they are, allowing them to rise and fall within us without resisting them or reacting to them. As you learn to be with your emotions, they will no longer overwhelm you. In the full acceptance of surrender, which is of a quite different character from mere resignation, you come to see that pain is simply pain, nothing more and nothing less. Yes, pain is painful— it’s meant to be. However, when you don’t fuel your pain by either resisting or reacting, but sit with it, it transforms itself into wisdom. Your wisdom will increase in line with your capacity for embracing all of your feelings, whatever their nature. Along with increased wisdom comes a greater capacity for compassion.” Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent
Now after about an hour of morning rituals, alone time and self care.... I’m back. Body feels: Good Mind thinks: grateful Heart is: clean
P.S. lately, I have noticed for me -my heart being *clean* is my newest most simplistic desire before I leave my house. It’s almost like my peri-menopausal heart likes a clean heart as it's best medicine
While I don't invite people into helping me cleanse my heart I do have an invitation for any woman who is guided by her own Natural Rhythms! If you have cleansing Tribal music you would like to add to our WOMAN'S GUIDE: CLEANSING-TRIBAL Spotify Play list...do reach out
My Body/Mind and heart favorite this morning..... Tribal softness....
There's also an Opportunity with the more modern playlist too. If you have music that moves you and helps you cleanse what needs to be cleansed in tribal or modern ways....Do reach out
I’m in year six of my own unique experience with what it means to move through the normal rite of passage called: A Woman’s Peri-meno-Post Menopausal Journey
While this post isn’t about the complexity of my entire story up to this point, I invite you to read Love Affair With Thy Self Movement which will explain a bit of it, including why a woman and mother with a Natural Rhythm of her own is following this path.
As an essential worker who works with seniors, I’ve begun my Vaccination Journey. It is my intention, desire and my commitment to move through my own Woman’s Peri-meno-post menopausal journey safely. I’ve noticed, the more I take care of myself, the more I have to give the people and places in my own life. I prefer giving via my own fullness because I’ve noticed, the more I do that the more value I can add or sprinkle on others. We all set our own bars on the life we wish to live and the love we wish to give, don’t we?
I live in Hawaii. There are very clear indicators as it relates to the Vaccination role out and what it means to be an essential worker. Phase A1 and Phase B1. Here, you have to have documentation to prove you fit in either category. I had to have a letter from the non-profit, a collection of pay stubs, and a formal ID. All things need to be in complete alignment and on the up and up. It’s amazing to witness how important the people who are collecting this information make sure everything aligns. The letterhead needs to match the who is paying you -pay stubs. Your ID as well.
From A Woman’s Peri-meno-post menopausal journey lens: There are distinctions and differences in these three seemingly similar yet very different phases. Being inside Peri-menopause while having PMDD since my first period as a teenager does mean I do have to be careful, mindful, cautious as it relates to my own immunity. Compromised, yet, while there is no cure for PMDD, Menopause is the cure. (I will give you a minute to digest that!
You may be asking yourself, what is PMDD? I will create a blog on that later. For now, here's a graph I designed a few years ago based on the science and an accidental gene mutation discovered a few years back:
HERE IS A VACCINATION TIME - LINE IN MY OWN WORLD
In June of 2020, I was bitten by a centipede. Hawaiian Style (That is it’s own unique thing) Therefore, I went to the doctors to get my Tdap (Teanus, diphtheria, acellular pertussis) immunization shot. That went into my right arm. While I was there, I was also encouraged to get a flu shot and the PPSV23 (Pneumococcal-polysaccharide) shot. Instinctively I thought about how I only have two arms and three vaccinations might be one too many for my peri-menopausal body already being in a significant transformational place to handle all that. I opted to say no to the flu shot and yes to the PPSV23. With the world being the way it was, that vaccine was my way of protecting myself and I recall how good, healthy and full of myself I felt when leaving the doctor’s office after making these individualised Yes/No decisions for my own health-well-being. That was day one, yet for several weeks both my arms hurt in a way, just lifting them felt like a chore. Then they seemed to take turns. It was this entire thing. Therefore, having that self knowledge and experience caused me to be more mindful prior to the newest vaccines emergence. I began doing some arm exercises a few months ago with the idea in my head that I didn’t want to experience that again!
That’s the thing about connecting to our own natural rhythms while honoring our phases, stages and our own experiences. It allows us to be proactive in the realm of strategizing based on our own phases, stages, our individual and collective stories combined and a lot more. Like many women with strong hormones (or women allergic to their own hormones) I like to take care of what I call my own HAZARD ZONES:
FAST FORWARD TO MARCH 2021 The mRNA, Pfizer-BioNTech was chosen for me. Just like many things in mid-life and for many people on the planet right now, I am living in the space in between. Add on being a middle-child (and the only girl) and I really have to confess, I am good, accustomed to living in that place in- between space on a lot of layers and a lot of levels!
I can’t tell anyone what their experience is or isn’t going to be. All I can do is share my own experience in hopes that other women who are in touch with their own natures at this time, this stage and this phase (And those with PMDD) are able to take what they want, what helps them and use it to their advantage. In my world, the seniors are extremely happy that I am on their path, only slightly behind because many of them are done with their second vaccine and they are doing good.
Day one was good to go. Arm soreness within an hour. Nothing Ibuprofen didn’t fix.
This was an extreme win for me!
Day two tired by 9 am. Nothing a good early nap couldn’t fix.
Day two evening. Felt like I was coming down with something. Nothing my homemade chicken noodle soup couldn’t only fix but gosh I slept so incredible that evening.
Day three lymphatic system *swelling in that *subtle way vs anything too uncomfortable but then as the day progressed I got this wildly painful pimple underneath the same arm where I got the shot.
(There are more than 20 lymph nodes (small lumps of tissue that are part of the body's lymphatic system, which helps fight infection) in the armpit.)
My arm was not sore but gosh that little pimple had way too much ouch power for my liking, however I didn’t want to do anything to disrupt the process of allowing my body to handle that whole thing and..... it did.
Day three evening I slept so amazingly that night too.
Day four-I experienced this wonderful full on Body feels clean Mind is nothingness Heart is clean.
All days after that: I was noticing I am releasing induced inflammation slowly and naturally.
AFTER ALL WAS SAID AND DONE
What I’ve also noticed about this journey process as it relates to my own. Having people to care about in the community is very encouraging in the realm of wearing masks and continuing to do what is right. By right I mean right for safety and ethics. That doesn’t always make people happy but when you are given a place in a community and you are responsible and accountable for many things-it does make it easier to re-commit when it’s dreadfully long and then it’s dreadfully too long and then it’s a year later. I miss things, like everyone else does however, it helps me to focus on myself in this stage and phase so that I may serve the best I can (which trust me, is rarely perfect!) It is my experience these past 6 years that this initiation into this rite of passage, there are a lot of unknowns with uncharted territories with continuous shifting, it seems like there is something new sometimes month to month, then year after year but it depends on a lot of factors.
For me, I am so looking forward to the Menopausal Cure after a long journey with PMDD! Not every woman is going to be that excited about menopause.
Hence why it is my on going, getting stronger every day belief: Our best medicine as women, is often.....to learn from one another where and when we can.
That reminds me. These Ted Talks are so lovely
Within this generation, an extra 30 years have been added to our life expectancy -- and these years aren't just a footnote or a pathology. At TEDxWomen, Jane Fonda asks how we can think about this new phase of our lives. This Ted talk is 9 years old. 9 years ago I wasn’t living inside the space of perimenopause. Therefore, this had no appeal to me. It does now This falls under new science, being open to learning what is true and new in “our now” as people on the planet, changing the conversation/narrative regarding what it means to move through our rites of passages. Jane Fonda speaks life into the reality, not the romanized fu-fu version but allowing us to understand what our options truly are. It’s not experience, it’s reflecting on our experiences…. Who can relate to this after the year we just had? I’d say alot of us! (I’m just guessing)
"Okay, I'll be the Needless Robot you want me to be.."
"They wanted the outcome and the fruit of my trait, but they didn't want my trait"
ALANIS MORISSETTE: overstimulation, misperception and challenges of being a highly sensitive person
And there it is AGAIN..............
The Too Much Woman
There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much. There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes. There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting. She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous. She is dangerous. And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit. Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much. She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her. Here I am. . . the Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions. A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept. I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself. And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space. I must. Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for ions—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature. And still. . . she thrives. If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman. And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance. Forget everything you’ve heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things. Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world. So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be. Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills. Please, rise. We need you. -- Ev’Yan Whitney