Currently loving the immediate and soft results of my past two acupuncture treatments! Below is a chart for anyone to discover the benefits for themselves.
Soft-Ongoing-Steady Stream of Goodness
Last weekend I was on the phone with my mom sharing what I did self-care wise on my Friday night and all she could do was laugh while her head was spinning. Mostly as it relates to the length I will go to feel good inside my own body mind in this transformative life phase I'm currently in.
While also experimenting with various wellness things. I like Traditional Chinese medicine and I also like Ayurveda too.
It's kind of wild how they over lap in some places while being different in others. The meridian system is something we studied broadly in Massage Therapy School, therefore, I've got a foundation with that and Ayurveda I've been learning and studying that for about seven years now, starting with my friends inviting me to meet some very cool people who were also highly skilled at Marma Point Therapy. Additionally I do have experience as an intern for Colon Hydrotherapy, therefore, when it comes to the digestive system (my own in particular) I am very comfortable with creating a warm, clean and safe "Basti" space a weekend after the Acupuncture treatment did some good things! It's always best to work with an Ayurveda Wellness Doctor or specialist and of course, everyone can do their own research to make the best choices for their own life.
For me, a few "Basti," treatments on occasion sets me into this amazing place. Anyway I found this soothing music and through the privacy of my own experience I found this music did provide the soothing relaxing nourishment that made the experience slow, easy and enjoyable. I don't think anyone would have to do a basti to have this intentional soothing the colon music help them ease up.
3 HOURS Music To Help Improve Colon Cleansing - YouTube
Once cleansed and feeling light and happy, I decided to do the Yani Steam. I do have the herbs however, I find I don't really need to add anything because the sensation of the hot steam with quality water does the trick. For me I'm not looking to clean something that is self cleaning as much as I'm looking to bring energy and softness into an area of my own body that I love a lot. As soon as the steam reaches me, I experience this softness, this lovely return to my center and some kind of wonderful melting while something good happens to my brain too. Sometimes, something I wasn't even focused on floats into my brain and the solution is right there, all of a sudden. What I've come to understand by this self loving practice as a woman in this stage is-it also helps me sleep.
Music for Healing female energy
This past Friday in Acupuncture, it was the first time the needles were placed around my belly button. That is my first ever experience with that placement of the needles. My request was that we stay with my digestive system and they sure do listen to you when you know what you need. Anyway, a few hours later, I got my Menstrual Period and that is always such a surprise now. That means, at least one more year before I'm officially a woman in menopause but that also meant for me, a weekend in what is known to me as my "moon lodge." I'm happy about it because it's also a very healthy flow happening right now. I've been sipping warm water and tea, I made yummy soup, took several easy strolls, sat in the park and wrote in three different areas of interest to me.
In my moon lodge (laying low and staying home) while respecting the acupuncture treatment equals taking it easy to allow these things to work on their own is where I am at right now. Taking it easy is so wonderful @
There are a few more things. but I think this is plenty of sharing and it's time for a good nights sleep now
Finished my 52 concise beliefs I carry now in my fifty-second year of existence.
It's also pretty cool to be able to connect to what I wrote in 2015 when I was coming out of a very different life stage!
Beauty doesn’t fade, it expands.
Nature is soft and it’s also fierce.
Love isn’t always patient or kind, similar to nature -fierceness is sometimes necessary.
Feminism is moving into a new wave and it’s best to learn about the waves and recognize what’s possible.
Misogyny is not sexy in men or women.
Rest in Love feels better to my heart and soul than Rest In Peace.
Aloneness is different than loneliness
No is a complete sentence
Rejection and betrayal are a part of everyone’s life
The willingness to co-create feels better.
Sisterhood is life saving.
100% accountability is enough.
Living at the level of the mind only is a dreadful way to live.
A yes at the level of the body, mind and the heart is the best yes and can be trusted.
Compassionate people have boundaries
Gossip ruins lives, destroys families and it is a waste of everyone’s time. Yet, support systems generate the desire to thrive.
Everyone is judgmental. Especially the enlightened folks.
Some things are right and some things are wrong and it’s okay to say so.
Facts are accumulated by effort but truth reveals itself in reverent time and both are necessary.
Women who were born women have a cycle and no one needs to stomp on that or us to get their place in the world.
The more I care about my own brain health, the more I heal what is exclusively mine to heal the better my brain works.
People can and will hurt you without your consent.
Depth isn’t heavy to a mermaid as long as she keeps her land legs aka understands what keeps her grounded. She needs an anchor too.
Women bleed and yes you can trust something that bleeds every month and does not die-again misogyny is not sexy.
Connection is a gift.
A child’s love and trust requires my integrity, awareness - who I am and how I show up matters
Love is willing & that includes the willingness to say no when you are a no.
I will hold your hand and I will hold your baby.
Communication is an Art to me and experiencing it that way enriches my existence.
Hydration and a good nights sleep is often my cure.
The smaller my inner most important circle/ connections I have the more consistency and stability I can provide them with. (Especially at this stage of my life game)
I am a bubbling stream and I’m also a deep flowing river. The older I get the less willing I am to pretend otherwise
I can sense life enriching connections within the first two hours but only in shared space because I need all of my senses to be activated. I’ve noticed other people have that gift too and I’m always glad when that happens.
Ride & thrive is way more exciting than ride or die.
Bless and block when needed
Sensing is different than feeling.
My home is my sanctuary.
Playfulness is a superpower
The full moon makes me feel happy and free, thanks to my grandmother
I belong to my grandchildren, even though they do not exist.
I’m often listening with the intent to be a trustworthy witness.
Dancing hula feels like love & being in love all over my entire body, mind and my heart.
Joyful is different than happiness and I’m more inclined to go for the joy.
Sometimes it’s important to take the time to expand our gratitude containers so we don’t mess things up for ourselves.
More can be achieved when people take time to rest and nourish themselves.
Trust is more important to me than love in interpersonal connections.
Restoring trust as quickly as possible helps love flourish.
Taking a stand for something smaller and bigger than myself fulfills me.
"Do your own research," as a way to "do no harm" lands differently.
Wisdom requires self-reflection and it's subjective
Enriching the quality of one another's existence is the goal.
Wildly, this morning before I finished 2021's list and was able to connect it to 2015- I opened the book: Women Who Run with The Wolves, I opened to this exact excerpt: "Consistency in manner is an impossible sentence for a wild woman, for her strength is her adaptation to change, her innovation, her dancing, her howling, her growling, her deep instinctual life, her creative fire. She does not show consistency through uniformity, But rather through her creative life, through her consistent perceptions, quick sighted-ness, flexibility and deftness.
If we were to name only one thing that makes the wild woman what she is, it would be her responsiveness.
The word response comes from the Latin: “to pledge, to promise,” and that is her strong suit.
Her perceptive and deft responses are a consistent promise and pledge to the creative forces, be it Duende, the goblin-spirit behind passion, or beauty, Art or the Dance, of Life.
Her promise to us, if we will not thwart it, is that she will cause us to live. She will cause us to live fully alive, responsively and consistently so."
I love a lot about:
Her deep instinctual life (my own)
I think what I like the most about this excerpt from the book being placed in the space between my 2021 and 2015 beliefs is -it seems to blend in most naturally with the theme of a woman's most natural responsiveness and adaptation as life continues to move. Life was very different in 2015 than it is now. Yet I can also see my own personal integrity has been playing out through the Pandemic from my 2015 list.
2015 LIST/WORLD VIEW/BELIEFS
I believe in telling our children how special they are with the appendage that everyone else is special too.
I believe respecting our elders is critical and I wish more parents taught that to their children.
I believe entitled children become unhappy adults whereas, empowered children become happy adults.
I believe teenage years and mid-life is essentially the same thing.
I believe Betrayal is a part of the human experience. We may not know when or who yet it seems to me the point is to grow and learn through it. No matter which side of the betrayal you are on.
I believe when you create healthier boundaries, people may rebel, dislike you, or move away from you. I believe in creating them anyway.
I believe in not coaching someone who didn't request coaching. I believe in not claiming a person is un-coachable if you don’t have their consent.
I believe the questions: "What do you want," or "what do you need," or "how can I be of service to you?" Is way more effective than unsolicited advice.
I believe you could be with someone every day and still not be there every day.
I believe you can know someone for 20 years and never truly know them and You can meet someone for 20 days and have a deep knowing.
I believe every day is a new opportunity to get to know someone all over again.
I believe there are many ways to heal. and it’s all about what resonates.
I believe in choosing joy whenever possible.
I believe laughter really IS the best medicine
I believe I usually want to talk about it, because I usually want to be free from it. Cause you know... “I have no desire to suffer twice, in reality and then in retrospect.” Sophocles, Oedipus Rex
I believe affinity, Communication and a shared reality are the 3 places to look at in any relationship-when you see what's missing, you have the power to add it back in.
I live in Honolulu and when I heard the news about Texas I felt both triggered as a woman as well as ACTIVATED. Therefore I went on a hunt to find the Woman's March, here where I live. My intent was to honor the women who already spent their time creating something. However, due to COVID and whatever else the case may be, there wasn't anything for me to join. Woman's March asked me if I would like to be a "Host," I said yes. In my heart I suspected there had to be other people on island who felt similar things as me, however, I have been in my own little Pandemic bubble due to the community I'm a part of and also, I am an introvert (Not that social) anyway. If a few people came, that would be great! However, very quickly an incredible woman reached out to me with a rigorous level of emotional honesty, communication skills that were top notch and a deep knowing as a local woman.
From there, another woman reached out to me, new to the area yet deeply committed with a lot of skill sets and a wide range of expertise in many of the areas required to organize events.
I'd also like to mention we were three women in three different phases of our lives.
Three different generations of women all showing up. This all happened very quickly. The knowledge, dedication, consciousness, wisdom, kindness, fierceness, consideration, even our unique differences all seemed to be workable as we danced the best we could in the short amount of time that we had to get it together. Without either of these women...we wouldn't have had the turn out that we had. Although our in the moment estimation was 300 people, we ended up with closer to 400 people.
For this post I'm going to share some of the images, signs and community LOVE being played out from my own camera/experience/connecting with others. Even for just a second...
Here are some images from our community! This first round of images Credit goes to @sammymcmanuphotography
This is the first image I took! I love her sign, her posture! How everything about this image let's you know....her confidence and clarity that, it is indeed HER body and that is all! So good!
MOTHERS AND THEIR PRECIOUS LITTLE ONES
These mothers and these children gave me all the warm and fuzzy's from a conscious parenting perspective. Besides, they are so darn cute!!!
FAMILY LOVING AND CHERISHING MOTHER
In speaking with this family, they took the option to stand still and hold their signs for the mother who wasn't able to March but her presence had so much value and the love her family has for her could be felt.
I LOVE THESE YA YA SISTERHOOD TYPE SIGNS!! SO very much!
MEN WHO GENUINELY LOVE WOMEN
When I asked this gentleman if I could take his picture and his why, he responded "Because women make up three quarters of the sky"
This sign is one of my all time favorites because it's the essence for me personally. While I do understand the compassion and the inner conflict for the unborn, I don't, not on any level -understand the disappearing and not caring, not seeing THIS! It's a lot easier to be and remain disconnected without this most basic truth being seen.
PROTECT BLACK WOMEN
Through these past several weeks, I have witnessed many black women share their thoughts, feelings and their clear no, we are not walking and their sharing "White women, this is your fault, therefore this is your fight, don't ask me for anything." I liked the idea of listening and honoring that. Therefore, when I saw this on one of the tables I thought, this is really great. We are kind of a melting pot here with different experiences. What I noticed was people were happy to take this and that was all people. Men, women, all races. Some people mentioned they were worried when they saw so many people, until they read the actual sign and paid a little closer attention. Then there was an "oh, this feels really good. This feels right" I heard that several times by those who had no intention of appearing at a Woman's March. So I thought I would mention that as it's part of the experience. People could feel we were not doing any harm to anyone. That was really cool to hear
BE BOLD. BE DARING
LOVE the boldness combined with their cleverness!
IN IT TOGETHER
If it was Families, friends, co-workers or loving couples. The togetherness is important for many men and women to see and witness. There is an illusion out there that isn't based on reality but on other things that prevents women from standing up for themselves and a lot of women know the truth of it. To stand up often means, forgo love because some men (and some religions) need women to give up some part of their own truth "if they ever want a man to love them."
It is one of the most insidious lies both men and women are told but a man who embodies kindness towards women, I've noticed...are happier, more fun and also, you can feel they are experiencing joy and fulfillment and that can and does co-exist with all the other things women crave. I personally think both men and women need to know what's possible.....
STANDING UP FOR ABORTION RIGHTS STARTING LINE
INVEST IN COMMUNITY NOT MISOGYNY
This one is my other favorite of all time..... so concise and on point!
Stay tuned because.... There was a lot to this and there is more to do.....and it's time for bed now
Taking the summer off from blogging was a good decision for my wellness. I did intend to begin again sharing amazing tips and tricks I am learning through my own commitment to moving through Peri-Menopause naturally, however I can always come back to that! Time is a very precious thing right now for those of us who genuinely LOVE WOMEN!
Abortion is health care and the only way to not see that- as truth - is to be uneducated on several levels. Not just medically speaking. On many levels and for sure on the level of expanded consciousness.
Facts are Important: Abortion is Healthcare:
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), with over 57,000 members, maintains the highest standards of clinical practice and continuing education for the nation’s women’s health physicians. Abortion care is included in medical training, clinical practice, and continuing medical education.
ACOG’s Guidelines for Women’s Health Care, A Resource Manual, 4th Edition, encompassing the full spectrum of clinical and management issues relating to women’s health care, lists abortion among the array of services that make up Gynecologic Care
Every woman, if she is a yes or a no to abortion healthcare, it is important to lean into the reality of her own existence. A woman’s healthcare/family planning decision needs to be led by her reality and not by anyone else.
"I consulted no one but my conscience"
When she was 28 and living in New York City in the early 1990s, Diana terminated her pregnancy. "I was in a rocky relationship with my boyfriend, and I’d been thinking about ending it. I’d also had all these weird symptoms of being exhausted and peeing every five minutes, and when I mentioned that to a girlfriend, she said, 'Uh-oh! It sounds like you’re pregnant.'
The book is literally called: Stories of Courageous Vulnerability
https://issuu.com/christinamarie74 Our story exists with 39 other -wide/broad -real life stories on many life topics where the struggle is real and the breakthroughs are incredible and life enhancing.
TO get a wider world view of what I've been focused on for a few decades now...
There are three choices to learn more about what I align with and the work I've done with others to generate a meaningful life as it relates to Self, Family and Humanity. Lots of food for thought that anyone can take on or pass on...the goal is to see if it helps anyone else and if it does GREAT! https://www.christinamariewhinnery.com/
and that also means-NO FORCED FATHERHOOD TOO. I think of my almost thirty year old son every day. I think of my son Donovan who died as a baby in my arms very often too. I do not think about my abortion healthcare choices as a regret because I did all that personal work a very long time ago. Then writing my story in 2012 took things to a new level. I've had both men and women reaching out in privacy sharing the impact of our Family Planning/Abortion health care story on their own lives and it has been deeply touching on so many levels.
This time as I was leaning into my own experience I remembered more details regarding that one committed connection I had agreed to and how it was the man who I was in that connection with who did not want to be forced into fatherhood. Not just once, but twice. The first, was the beginning of the end and the second time was THE END. Looking back on this time period from so long ago, we were actually engaged by the time the second abortion as healthcare choice was what he wanted and that is what caused me to leave. It's so fascinating how the story changes within the context of a culture that likes to "disappear" someone else's story. Plus as a mother traveling with a son, I also needed to think more deeply about our family planning above and beyond this man who didn't make the cut. And this ties into the Texas abortion ban time line. During my second pregnancy with this man, I left and he thought it would be a good idea to "withhold" "ignore" and block all communications between us.
Step 1-Let me know he does not want his own blood. (I am listening to that no, with respect for all parts-that includes the heaviness of having to deal with that always and forever "she trapped me," as if he wasn't also in the room. Men are such insane creatures sometimes.
Step 2-Letting me know he is still immature (withhold/ignore) and when he finally did show up the shock and dismay combined with the emotional honesty was concise. He was just trying to teach me a lesson (withholding) and he never dreamed I would ever do anything like what "I DID." But you see, thats the thing about it. I only had a very short amount of time to make this choice on my own with no support from the other half of the procreative partnership of sorts. That's just another piece to this absurd Texas Law.
This was relationship. Living together. Engaged. Bottom line I lost respect for him and low and behold, after I left he met the most amazing woman who had super duper respect for him. They got married and had the most perfect baby boy and it made me happy to see he got the same thing I already had. A healthy son.
I would imagine when he looks into his son's eyes he sees his own and his heart expands.
I would imagine having a wife who respects you very deeply and wants to spend her life with you, that makes his life a hell of a lot easier than his life ever would have been with me.
I would imagine after becoming a father and experiencing that level of love and that level of responsibility and that level of everything, he gets why I lost respect for him.
Sometimes, that is how we learn and that is how we grow and that is how we evolve and sometimes, not so much. I don't know either way. There is nothing in it for me. No pleasure what so ever - FORCING anyone to be a parent. This bad parenting act the U.S. likes to call "normal" is just so YUCKY!!!!!
ABORTION IS HEALTHCARE. FULL STOP.
The goal here though...... is a lot bigger for women's health and well-being through their right and choice to have a say in their own family planning.
That is my stand
Today I'm excited about some Dr's appointments then tomorrow.... WE MARCH!!!! YAY
Find a SISTER MARCH IN YOUR AREA!!!! Ours here is mandatory masks and social distancing and holding one another to account for those community safe things. I'm pretty excited about it!
Through the lens of Communication as Art, We are the Artists
Through the lens of Sisterhood Through the lens of Expanded Consciousness
Through the lens of Intimacy
IMPORTANT: SPOILER ALERTS AND THIS TOUCHES ON TRAUMA
Before I move into the lenses I would like to offer the following
Through these lenses, if you have seen the movie and or know what it's about: it’s going to appear as if I’m minimizing and skipping over critical parts of the story.
That’s because I AM.
This isn’t an intent to dismiss the writer or anyone’s trauma or the pain they may be in or the residue feelings anyone may have come up for them. I don’t ever know what will come up for anyone. At the end of this post I’m going to share what came up for me. It will be a story from many moons ago. A story that holds no negative charge. It’s just a story. I wanted to be clear about that too because for some reason, any time a woman shares a story because she understands stories help other women-there can be this mindset that she’s carrying her own story with all this emotional charge.
It’s like we can’t even talk about the truth of our own lives or our own previous experiences without someone showing up trying to tell us how we feel about this or that and or why we are sharing ourselves. Without psycho analyzing us or getting on our case about being stuck in the past.
But what many of us women know from decades of being in sisterhood circles is that it’s just what we do to help and heal ourselves and help and heal one another.
We also know if we can share our stories with others without shame or without our story making us cry or making us feel bad about ourselves...it allows us to see how far we’ve come. How amazing we are. It allows us to remember we got this or perhaps we can get whatever comes next.
This is why I believe it’s just so important to ask a woman and not tell her what is true for her. You never ever know when a woman is sharing something, a meme or otherwise for someone other than herself. This movie touches on that as well.
Anyway, I wanted to at least make an offering before I go into these lenses in a short concise way.....
Here is a link to an earlier post about caring safely. Caring about yourself or others as it is a training regarding how to stay out of compassion fatigue. Or from my perspective and the bar I like to hold myself to: How to stay inside compassion satisfaction.
It’s a post from last May because I have previous experience with adrenal fatigue. Therefore, I understand my own inner sensations as it relates to what drains me. I like to nip that as quickly as I can. I wish to serve but not at the expense of my own well-being because I’ve already done that.
That’s what eventually led me most naturally to Āyurveda. My souls exhaustion for caring too much about others at the expense of my own life force.
Here is a link to the Self & Āyurveda page.
There are three amazing under 13 minutes Yoga videos for any sensations anyone may be experiencing inside their body/mind at the bottom of the page.
These caring short yoga videos also connects very well to being able to use The Woman’s Guide To Understanding Your Own Natural Rhythm (or the guide for those who love us) when thoughts feelings or sensations take over inside of us.
It’s incredible how quickly a person can return to center or restore their body/mind (resilience) just by caring about themselves enough to take less than 13 minutes toward self care. If you know you’re angry, the pitta sequence is for you, if you know you’re lethargic the Kapha sequence is for you. If you know you’re coming out of your skin with anxiety, the Vata sequence is for you.
I also selected these three yoga videos because of the soothing voices and cues to truly take care and not worry about being able to do these moves the way these women are able to do them. I often end up looking pretty ridiculous, not being able to do everything or anything close to what the women are able to do while laughing at myself. Sometimes the intention and breath alone is enough to change our emotional state at any given time.
Promising Young Woman
Through the lens of Communication as Art, We are the Artists
Context: We have one week left within our Happy Writers Camp with Madam Nicole. We've been connecting and enhancing one another's worlds just one week shy of two entire months. Movies begin with someone writing a script. Typically, I'm engaged with any creative work at that level, in the same way I love music and I'm engaged with the lyrics. I watched this movie Saturday afternoon before the Academy Awards because it is the only movie I saw listed that I had not seen yet. The opening scene is where the story began in such a way, I was fully invested from a "this is capturing my attention," already therefore I am all in. I had just enough time to watch this movie seconds before it was time to go into what I have endearingly called "The writing room."
I was still feeling the incredible power of this movie through the above lens when our meeting in the writing room began. One might say, I was deeply touched, moved and inspired through many different lenses through this female writers capacity to write so well.
Through the lens of Sisterhood
This is where the spoiler alert comes in, really it's just a part of the story as it unfolded... there is more than this, depending on the lens in which the viewer is watching through. The writers who wrote this since it's considered a dark comedy use the word revenge, yet what I witnessed was a very smart woman who was traumatized, blamed herself and needed to do her own research and as far as I could see -for most of the movie, it was more her teaching these "Nice Guys" that it isn't what it means to be a nice guy to take advantage of a woman who was too drunk to even stand.
In addition to that, she said no and she also said other things that indicated very clearly she did not want what was being done to her to be done to her. Even before she decided to stop pretending and show her actual true sober self.
These words below (a part of the plot) have a lot of impact through a lot of lenses, yet I'm going to stick with the the lenses that touched me.
PART OF THE PLOT:
Cassie Thomas, a 30-year-old medical school dropout, lives with her parents. Years earlier, her best friend, Nina Fisher, was raped by their classmate, Al Monroe. Despite Nina reporting the crime, there were no consequences for Al from the school or legal system, and it's implied she eventually committed suicide. Now Cassie spends her nights feigning drunkenness in clubs and bars, allowing men to take her to their homes, and revealing her sobriety when they attempt to rape her in order to frighten them from doing it again. At her workplace, a coffee shop, Cassie is asked out by former classmate Ryan Cooper. On their date, he mentions Al is getting married. Upon hearing this, Cassie begins a plan to exact revenge on those she holds responsible for Nina's rape and suicide. She meets Madison McPhee for lunch, another classmate and old friend who did not believe Nina was raped; Cassie gets her drunk and hires a man to take Madison to a hotel room. She subsequently ignores Madison's calls asking what happened after their lunch.
Through the lens of Expanded Consciousness
Expanded consciousness would be that space where something opens up for us that wasn't there before. Perhaps we were unconscious about something we were doing yet once that thing is brought into the light and we see ourselves more clearly, that provides us with an opportunity to make new choices. In this way, these scenes with these "nice guys" seem really important.
One of the reactions you see being played out all throughout the movie was the deep unconscious and the absolute unwillingness to acknowledge this happened. Cassie was brilliant as it relates to her mental capacity- to not put anyone in real danger while also.. making her point very clear.
There is an important scene where she goes back to the dean of the school who embodies that good ole boys wrong attitude.... until Cassie mentioned the dean's daughter.
You see in these moments how true it is, how meaningless a woman's life is unless that woman's life is someone we love.
The depth of the story line, the plot twists and how this story unfolds is very powerful and absolutely necessary.
It shouldn't be "poor guy" as it relates to holding your shape and owning your space and when a woman says no, you are truly one of those nice guys who actually listens.
No matter how drunk she appears to be to you and in fact, especially if she can't even walk. I think it's a little weird to be sexually attracted to someone who can't even walk or put a sentence together but that's just me. If you want to own being the nice guy, being conscious about that and owning it fully by not taking advantage of a woman in that state is an excellent start.
That shouldn't offend anyone. At least that is how I feel and I wouldn't want anyone teaching my own son otherwise, but you know...that locker room thing....That man code thing...
This is interwoven and can easily bend back to Through The Lens of Sisterhood
THROUGH THE LENS OF INTIMACY
Through the lens of intimacy or "lack-there-of," when the person you fall in love with, or grow in love with or the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with knows the truth of your history, before you have grown into who you are now... that one thing alone can have a serious positive impact on preventing a lot of unnecessary "I can not tell the truth so I will screw, rape, blame, abuse or even kill anyone who tries to tell my truth for me.
I love this below from OSHO'S BOOK:
"When two lovers are really open to each other, when they are not afraid of each other and not hiding anything from each other, that is intimacy. When they can say each and everything without any fear that the other will be offended or hurt.… If the lover thinks the other will be offended, then the intimacy is not yet deep enough. Then it is a kind of arrangement, which can be broken by anything. But when two lovers start feeling that there is nothing to hide and everything can be said, and the trust has come to such a depth where even if you don’t say it the other is going to know, then they start becoming one."
What many of us old (er) people understand is that everyone has a past, everyone has a story, everyone made mistakes within their childhood or coming of age time of life and sometimes even longer than that. Personally, I believe that's due to a lack of education in how strong and how important hormones are as they usher in, however that's because I created this journal for people and I would like to see it offered in schools about 5th grade when bodies begin to change or perhaps earlier before body's change. I would also like to see multi-generational small mastermind groups where seniors and coming of age people can work within the journal to help each other. Therefore I do have my own agenda.
Here's what I know to be true for myself at this stage of my life game. A man being able to feel safe with me can not be something that is more important than my own sense of what it means to feel safe in the space between us. There are scenes in this movie that tickle me because there have been times, where a layer of unconsciousness arrives and I find myself being a straight shooter with some men and it seems to me in being that honest, they rise up.
There is this one scene in the movie where when she drops pretending she is drunk and shows her sober self and as the scene continues, she asks the guy "Do you still want to F**K me?" His response was "No thank you ma'am" and she lets him know "Hmm, no one ever does." This is where the comedy is not lost on me. He's all high and not paying any real attention to her in any real way. Not listening to her cues which are actually really clear. "I don't feel well, I need to go home." There isn't anything more clear than the words "I need to go home."
These type of scenes allow room for subtlety and nuance to be seen, felt and experienced. If everyone wants connection, better quality sex and to feel the experience of being fully alive... It just makes logical sense to be open to growing into your next best experiences intimacy wise.
What came up for me after watching this movie: was an experience many moons ago where I went out to a club with a friend who was excited for me to meet her other friends. We all meant a lot to her and sadly, the high quality cool club we selected had a bit of a reputation for men slipping drugs into women's drinks but we wouldn't know that because it wasn't our thing to go there. Someone had slipped something into my drink that I barely touched because dancing was more my thing. Sadly, I blacked out, woke up in the bus we took to the club, woke up again in my friends home. My friend had the wrong attitude as far as I was concerned. She was mad at me for being drugged. She was embarrassed regarding my behavior and she was upset that I humiliated her in front of her other friend whose opinion seemed to matter to her a great deal more than the fact that I was drugged. I recall this vividly because I recall my self-expression and what seemed really off to me. I thanked her for taking me home while also being clear, something is off here. Instead of caring about my well-being or how I was drugged all she seemed to care about was the fact that I made her look bad somehow. I'm like, Okay, thanks for trying to shame me for being drugged by someone." I'm like this shit is weird and twisty. Someone drugs me and then I'm the one who gets shamed about it?" At the same time I understood her desire to invite me and have me connect with the woman who meant so much to her and that she trusted me to be a quality woman whom everyone can have a great time with. That part wasn't lost on me either. I disappointed her because she knew I can be trusted at the club. But the truth was they put me on the bus where I was safe while they continued to have a really good time so I didn't really ruin their evening as much as I didn't get to experience the fun or the joy or create memories with them. I lost out too. We did work that whole thing out but I do remember that. Women remember things and it's really important to realize.... women remember things LOL
My experience of this movie is that it has the power to help people see more clearly, make new choices, perhaps consider what it means to be a "nice guy," and a lot of other expanded consciousness types of things.
Then the very next day, the female screen play writer won the Academy Award...that was really cool
As we know…..What touches or moves any person into their own heart space is so very personal. I will share how each movie touched me....personally....
PREFACE: The short (less than three minute) video's need to be watched to keep the flow.....flowing....
Movie title: Mary Magdalene
Synopsis: In the first century, free-spirited Mary Magdalene flees the marriage her family has arranged for her, finding refuge and a sense of purpose in a radical new movement led by Jesus. The sole woman among his band of disciples, Mary defies the prejudices of a patriarchal society as she undergoes a profound spiritual awakening and finds herself at the center of an Earth-shaking historical moment.
In this video below, it gives any reader a wider lens on the movie being more in alignment with truth unfolding vs the old story that continues to be misrepresented to this very day
HOW THIS ART TOUCHED ME
As a young person growing up inside a roman catholic family, hearing the stories in the bible, many of those stories left me with community=very scary and Jesus=safe again. There was something about the way Jesus would show up that caused the unnecessary, scary, often brutal and violent scene to return to making me feel like the world was safe again. It didn't occur to me to put a lot of energy into what someone might have done wrong to warrant an entire community of people thinking they had the right to throw stones at one defenseless woman. That part didn't feel right to me as a young person.
What did feel right and true within myself as a young person (and now too) was who Jesus was.
He seemed rather genius, innovative and creative if you ask me. If nothing else, Jesus is a good idea. Some place later on down the road, I began to disconnect from my roman catholic origin. That's an entirely different post and as far as my parents were concerned a sign of growth and development in cultivating my own inner connection to something bigger than myself.
I never got crucified by my own parents for my own evolution.
Additionally, my father had this theory that paper doesn't reject ink and what he wanted me to learn from that was: anyone can write anything at any time and it doesn't make it true or truth so you really need to use your own brain and your own heart intelligence to move through all the distortions and nonsense that others may want you to believe.
In this way, I don't really need or like other people coming into my life trying to force me to do that thing they call: "man up,' with that facts only mentality. Also known as level of the mind only.
The over all message is: don't use your emotions and for sure, do not use your own reference as your own guide.
AKA do not trust yourself, your own brain and please detach your heart from your brain like I have been taught to do.
Truth unfolds all the time, so facts are often subjective at best and suspect at worst. When it comes to women, our lives, our truths, our world view, no one need to feel entitled to bully us into believing false truths as a way to make us feel like there are only two ways to live as a woman.
Mary's story in this movie makes complete and utter sense. She is a woman who followed her prayers and concluded via the voice within that it was not her calling to be married. It wasn't even about the man who wanted her to go against her own will. She was clear, conscious and naturally centered while stating this is not my path. Jesus was her path.
Through the lens of A Woman's Guide to Understanding YOUR Own Natural Rhythms, we could re-frame Mary being deeply and intimately connected to her own natural rhythms in such a way that she was able to trust her own inner knowing and therefore she ended up where she belonged, as one of Jesus's most trustworthy witnesses. There was no force behind her following Jesus.
He did not force her, he led her by who he was and how he showed up and they both seemed to share this thing called being a healer. So they had that unique connection that the non-wounded healers have with one another.
The teachings of Jesus are eloquent and simplistic in nature.
This movie returns and restores the eloquence and simplistic nature of his teachings just as much as it shines a lot of light on Mary, how they connect and why they trust one another. I was left feeling renewed, restored and well nourished.
Movie Title: The Tribes of Palos Verdes
Synopsis: When the Mason family moves to idyllic Palos Verdes, Calif., the father, Phil, loves it but the mother, Sandy, feels out of place among the fake tans and tennis skirts. Phil and Sandy's daughter, Medina, is a loner and outcast at school, while her charismatic brother, Jim, is effortlessly popular. When Medina and Jim take up surfing, they must prove their right to share the waves with the tough Bayboys gang that monopolizes their stretch of beach. [Does the brother die in the movie? Just wondering because you mention that later. I think the synopsis needs a few more details.]
This movie was a mistake for me. I was left deeply sad by it. The Synopsis leaves the heaviness factor/level out of the equation. I think that was done on purpose because I really would not have watched it had I known it would touch on a young person overdosing aka suicide. I wish the parents had listened to their introverted daughter the many times she spoke up and said she was worried about her twin brother. Yet it also caused me to dig a little deeper into whose story this really was, who was the author of this story because it felt so real.
I found this incredible interview from 1997 with the author herself, Joy Nicholson
Here is an excerpt from that interview:
Joy Nicholson's debut novel, The Tribes of Palos Verdes, looks through the eyes of fourteen year-old Medina Mason as her parent's marriage collapses and her mother draws her twin brother Jim into dangerously incestous emotional territory. Fragmentary incidents gather resonance as Nicholson assembles them into a story; one of her most significant strengths as a writer is the faith she has in her material, allowing the scenes to speak for themselves. Many beginning writers tell stories as if they feel they have to hold the reader's hand from one page to the next. Joy Nicholson's prose is clear and honest enough that she can trust you to understand what is happening and why it matters.
RH: How did this novel get started? JN: A friend of mine was doing a literary zine called One Little Ball and asked me to write a story for it. So I wrote a story about my brother and the place where I grew up. I didn't really think about it too much after that until an agent tracked me down through the 'zine and asked me if I was writing a book. RH: Had you even thought about writing a book before then? JN: I knew that I wanted to write, but I never intended to write a book. Or maybe I had a vague intent, but I never really had the confidence to do it. I don't think I ever really thought of myself as a 'writer.' RH: So what was it like putting together the confidence to do this project, once you knew it was going to be a book? JN: It wasn't really a decision. I just took it in incremental stages. I didn't go to college, and I didn't know how to write a book, so I just started looking through a lot of books that I liked. I'd cut pages out and paste them together, then hang them from the walls and study them to see how different writers wrote, how they made transitions and all that. Once I got a chapter done, I started thinking about the second chapter...only they weren't even really chapters, they were more like vignettes. When I had about fifty of them, a year later, I turned them in to the agent who called me, and then I told her I wasn't sure how to make them tie together. She told me not to worry, that it would eventually tie together, and to just keep writing those vignettes. Then she cut out about three-fourths of what I'd written. I was really shocked, because I'd put a lot of work into all that writing, and she still hadn't signed me for her agency yet, either. She told me, "We still have to see if we can work together. It's going to be really hard on you, because you'll keep writing this hard, and I'll keep editing you this strongly." When I finally got it back, what was left seemed so thin and depressing, but I just kept writing more and more vignettes about Palos Verdes and my brother.
HOW THIS ART TOUCHED ME A LITTLE MORE-and perhaps "why" it hit me in a deeper way
It might have made me a little more deeply sad because I know a family very intimately, their story is different yet their teenage daughter made a similar decision to end her own life without the overdose part. It's one of the stories inside the book: Stories of Courageous Vulnerability. We have a few Authors who share their stories. One is from a man who decided against it and the other is the story of the 16 year old from her brother's heart space many many years later. The story is called "What I Want to Remember About Tomorrow."
It's on page 69 within the "vivid stories" section in the book
I know that one story by heart because- it's my former spouses story, Inn his own words. I've needed to come back to that at times these past six years post divorce but only when other people try to tell me why my marriage ended based on their own stories, beliefs, and where they were in their own development. Typically I don't need to return to page 69 but when you are single as long as I have been single and the noise gets a little too loud, I don't think there is anything wrong with reading a Courageous Vulnerable story to remind you-you can indeed trust your own heart and your own knowing.
When you tell people you want to transform your marriage with love-not hate, there is a lot of suspicious nonsense floating in the air. This is why I believe in minding my own business regarding certain interpersonal dynamics because you never ever know what two people are working out or waiting for or the deeper why.
It's his heart trying to reconcile his family history and although the story wasn't new for me (his wife) It was a very big deal for this private button up man to write his story, share it and have it be published with the desire to help himself and also help others who may be able to identify with him.
The only thing that I know about this topic is the pain does not go away, it just gets redistributed and expands throughout the entire family and sometimes for many many years until someone decides to do the deeper humanity work out of necessity or out of hunger to be a better human being. I'm not going to plug in the book at this time, it can be found on my website under "Expanded Humanity" page.
After being left in this state, I wanted to reach for something that would bring me back up to where I was.
MOVIE TITLE: SAVE THE DATE
Synopsis: After breaking up with her boyfriend, a bookstore manager (Lizzy Caplan) resists a seemingly perfect guy's (Mark Webber) attempts to woo her. Release date: December 14, 2012 (USA) Director: Michael Mohan Screenplay: Egan Reich Initial DVD release: April 17, 2013 (Sweden) Story by: Michael Mohan, Jeffrey Brown
HOW THIS MOVIE TOUCHED ME:
This movie was lovely, witty, emotionally honest and so endearing. Elizabeth Anne Caplan’s character is incredibly charming.
I found her lack of confusion, playfulness and insight to be similar to parts of my younger self.
I love those moments where vulnerability is moving in action. From the heart space and the truth of our hearts, vulnerability does not waste anyone's time.
Questions like "Are you happier without me? because if you tell me you are happier without me I will leave you alone!" Leaning in for that potentially serious risk/ heartbreak takes just as much guts as it does to answer that question honestly. Leaning in, fully engaged, letting your heart lead even though, this is going to sting. Personally, I think that is an important step vs pretending not to care at all.
That concludes my Easter Weekend Art/Heart being touched experience.
Much of the time Art has the power to move us in many different directions and touch us in places to remind us of our humanity or that we have a collection of life experiences, memories and places within our hearts that have been and continue to be touchable. And it's cool to see where we are in our own development as a person now, then again now. Then again.....in the now :-)
Preface: This is an "it resonates or it doesn't" post: INTENT: DO NO HARM
I'm going to share two powerful videos. The first one is a video with the DNA science when this accidental element was discovered! There are places in the spaces in between that haven't been looked at within the molecular structure of certain genes. This is a powerful discovery for women's health that has changed, moved and shifted the trajectory of women's physiological health in ways I could only dream of! It's VERY exciting news for the future of women's health on so many layers and levels....
This is my personal definition: PMDD is the much stronger sister of PMS. In a nutshell, women who suffer from PMDD are allergic to their own sex hormones during a very specific phase of their monthly cycle. The severity of what it means to be allergic to your own sex hormones varies within a PMDD spectrum. It is a very real thing for women and I try to keep my own PMDD in mind while allowing other women to tell us what their PMDD truth is.
Is medical gas lighting silencing those with PMDD?
The story in the video might make you feel a few things, sadness may be one of them. For me, what captured my attention was how 1 out of 8 women suffer from this while many people have never heard of it. 1 in 3 sufferers will think about suicide. That is intense for me because I would be one of the other two who has never experienced that personally, however: being in all of the female hormonal rooms I see this type of emotion every single day from women all over the world. Not in "America" but actually globally. Her remedy was extreme and it is what drives a lot of women to removing their lady parts. SBS Australia shinning light on this is a huge incredible thing for women's health. You can not help or shine light on things you are not acknowledging when they do exist.
The second woman her story "You're supposed to be a yummy mummy"
What makes this video most powerful is the unique solutions for each woman while the end result will be similar. "It's our chemistry not our character"
"Track your cycle, you're not alone, don't give up"
As I’ve mentioned in my previous post
I’m in year six of my own unique experience with what it means to move through the normal rite of passage called: A Woman’s Peri-meno-Post Menopausal Journey. IN MY OWN LIFE NOW The PMDD thing is more of a shadow in my memory, something to be mindful about and conscious of vs something I’m worried about every third week like I used to be for over thirty-four years of my own female physiological career. That is what we call it withinA 𝕎𝕠𝕞𝕒𝕟’𝕤 𝔾𝕦𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕌𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕆𝕨𝕟 ℕ𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕒𝕝 ℝ𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕪𝕞𝕤
Four month journal.
It is its own internal “career.” It’s the same career mindset that any holistic or medical modality has as it relates to a woman's inner health and her well-being through all stages of her life. It's a statement that represents the complexity and oceanic internal workings within female physiology and it's intent is to take women's health and well-being seriously.
It is the why a woman’s “history” is needed within the intake process.From our first periods to our now is always the thread necessary to assess what’s possible now. Other people can minimize this aspect of female health if they want to and they usually do, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t honor our own inner careers or embrace it as such to be able to handle all of our monthly phases/stages. It’s actually wonderful for me to lean in and recognize I have been handling this PMDD thing for over 34 years. I know what I need boundary wise with others to be able to care for myself which is just as important as anything else. Diet and exercise does not have the power to eradicate PMDD. No matter what anyone says, that just isn’t the truth, it takes a lot more than that. That is the distinction between PMS and PMDD. PMS can be completely eradicated with the proper lifestyle. PMDD, not so much. It’s just not how PMDD works. It just isn’t. Not to mention the misdiagnose and double and triple misdiagnose women are labeled with is deeply concerning.
What captured my heart with the mother in the video above from Australia combined with the science is the "Post Childbirth" on-set" piece of the PMDD pie. I felt that, my heart felt that, my life story unfolding felt that. Being the mother of my son Donovan and my son Joseph, felt that. So many parts of me felt that. I felt that even without experiencing the severity she experienced her allergy to her own hormones. I also felt that as the starting point of what caused me to create the LOVE AFFAIR WITH THY SELF MOVEMENT FROM THE START
My ultimate desire and message here is: PMDD exists, when we acknowledge it exists it doesn’t make us victims of it. Acknowledging something’s existence honors it in such a way we can work with it to find innovative new discoveries to help it so that we can move the best way we can so that we can continue to create the hopes, goals and dreams that matter the most to us.
I was thinking about....In the rooms in AA and Ala-non, when people get to a specific place you will often here them say things like: “Be glad you are an alcoholic because you can help another alcoholic like no one else can” and there are 12 steps that anyone can use for any of life’s universal starting growth. It's a way to say, keep serving others as a part of your own recovery.
Allergic to your own hormones. Allergic to alcohol. We are all allergic to something. That just seems true to me at this point in my life.
However, on the Ala-non side, Ala-non people live and learn you can not force anyone to get sober, and both AA and Ala-non communities absolutely know, staying sober is one thing but living an actual life of joy and freedom and a life of sobriety takes a lot of work. It takes more than the 12 steps or maybe it takes "keep coming back" to the 12 steps. I don't know all I do know is....
There are no 12 steps for PMDD because no one has believed women for centuries. However, as we have written in Expanded Family magazine with an article titled: Words of Wisdom from the 12-Step Program. Written by ML Mehan, a well respected academic teacher, you can take on these steps to soften and move things.....
In closing.... there are many ways to be self-loving, to take care, to reach out, to get the support and community you need.
This mornings journal entry.
Day: March 17, 2021 Phase: Cleansing phase (Day 3 of cleansing phase)
****Intention in Journaling during cleansing phase is to journal all that needs to be cleansed to stay on point with hopes, goals and dreams FROM THE JOURNAL: Menstruation Phase/ aka CLEANSING PHASE
The Journaling intention is body/mind heart cleansing. Get it all out, let it all go, feel it or speak it to disappear it. In this phase we are feeling, speaking and writing it as a practice and a process to teach us how to let go more quickly as we use our physiological cleansing days to truly cleanse-as we use the wisdom of our rhythms, giving ourselves permission to allow. In this phase you may feel more tender, more emotional, more sensitive or you may be fine. Either way, the intention is cleansing. You may discover a depth and richness that provides you with relief and self-acceptance. Letting go first thing in the morning may also help you have better days. If now, always get the help you feel you need
This is my personal morning journal from today
Christmas morning ✔️
Valentine’s Day ✔️
✔️And March 15, 2021. Those are my mensuration dates.
Today on St Patrick’s day I woke up all sweaty, feeling puffy with that deep awareness I am bleeding.
Am I growing younger or something?
Or is this return to my previously normal schedule vaccine #1 induced.
I don’t know. Time will tell.
Keeping my data collecting on this 👇🏼
Here’s Why Women Experience Stronger Side Effects to COVID-19 Vaccines
Excerpt: “Simply put, women in general have a stronger response to vaccines because their bodies are quicker and stronger when it comes to activating what the vaccine introduces in the body. “Infectious diseases in general are always about the immune response and not the bug,” said Dr. Larry Schlesinger, president and chief executive officer of the Texas Biomedical Research Institute in San Antonio. “In women, there is an exuberant and stronger response [to many vaccines],” he told Healthline. “There’s actually a lot of science behind this.” In the past, Schlesinger said, a stronger response in females has been seen and studied in vaccines for yellow fever, DPT, influenza, and other illnesses. Schlesinger said estrogen encourages the body to produce more T-cells, the reactor cells that protect us, when a vaccine is introduced. Thus, he said, we see the quicker and stronger response many women experience.”
YOU CAN READ THE HEALTH-LINE ARTICLE BY CLICKING THIS BUTTON BELOW:
Body feels: a lot Mind thinks: cranky Heart is: worried.
Not “worried” about my own body, or my own mind as much as worried about others. After all, I’ve had plenty of experiences waking up in this way. It was my worried heart -not my mind or me being “oh so negative” that needed time and space to move so that I can work with my own worried heart. Not against it.
Very often with children, husbands or partners all throughout my adult life this “heart is worried thing,” is why -waking up extra early to handle this part of how my heart works was so important to me. My heart is always had the desire to love others in the way they needed to be loved. Harder to do when your heart is worried.
It’s also why waking up late, having to rush while my heart was worried caused me so much anxiety and stress.
This is also why all that “level of the mind” only stuff has never had any power to help me.
“It’s all in your head” is something others say and it might be because it’s true for them but I just want to say, that has never been helpful to my heart. All that’s ever did was get in the way of my hearts natural desire to move the way it moves.
Most. Naturally. I can't imagine with all the newer science and much needed deeper look into all the things, that I am alone in that, you know-human being wise. In the Human design model, it is said that 51 % of people have what the call "emotional authority" as their primary gift within their own unique blueprint. This brings me all the way back to this incredible woman and the tools of awareness she gives anyone who may have emotional authority as their gift: Emotional Mastery: The Gifted Wisdom of Unpleasant feelings.
It's SO GOOD! because through her time, research and her education, she has learned that the feelings come before the thoughts and she gives people the opportunity to move the way feelings move. If this is someone's nature it would be a great tool for them.... Check it out, try it on, see what you see....
Now: Back to my Peri-Meno-Postmenopausal journey morning cleanse write:
So I go for these long early morning walks until I find a place to sit and write. There is a woman here who is older than I who works in security. She’s very mellow and she’s always kind. She embodies that Aloha vibe full on. What it means to embody aloha is very different than using Aloha as a cover up for all things. I've noticed this as a distinction here. Not saying it can't grow or evolve or be cultivated but what I am saying is, it's probably a good idea to know if you are truly embodying it or if you are just using it cause you think it makes you appear cool. She is the embodiment of Aloha through and through. Anyway....
We “talk story” for about 5 minutes each time we see one another.
When I expressed this time of life feels like the perfect time to understand the story of my own life better. Seems like my peri-menopause is the perfect time to do that. What I am actually saying is that I am listening and honoring my own natural rhythms. (For those who may be in the mood to argue with me. No need, you can focus on your own natural rhythms and what is true in your own life)
My Security friend though.......Her smile was so wide while shaking her head yes knowingly as she said “It’s like you’re cleaning things up so you can let it all go”
Totally. I call it re-writing but it’s the same thing and I have to wonder how often we are saying the same thing but we get stuck in which words are being used.
She also said:
..... “And young people think you’re crazy. That’s just because they haven’t reached this stage of life yet.”
Yes! It is true in some moments I have to make a conscious effort primarily with my own son, remembering not that he isn’t a mini me but rather...he’s not in his fifties therefore I can not expect him to be where I am or be open to all I have to offer him all the time but that also doesn’t mean I shouldn’t speak up when my heart knows things either.
I think all parents can relate to the truth that we are always working on our communication as art and we are the artists with our children as they continue to move and grow through their own lives.
I love and will close this journal entry with these quotes 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 “When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”
“By silently witnessing our thoughts and feelings, we learn to accept them as they are, allowing them to rise and fall within us without resisting them or reacting to them. As you learn to be with your emotions, they will no longer overwhelm you. In the full acceptance of surrender, which is of a quite different character from mere resignation, you come to see that pain is simply pain, nothing more and nothing less. Yes, pain is painful— it’s meant to be. However, when you don’t fuel your pain by either resisting or reacting, but sit with it, it transforms itself into wisdom. Your wisdom will increase in line with your capacity for embracing all of your feelings, whatever their nature. Along with increased wisdom comes a greater capacity for compassion.” Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent
Now after about an hour of morning rituals, alone time and self care.... I’m back. Body feels: Good Mind thinks: grateful Heart is: clean
P.S. lately, I have noticed for me -my heart being *clean* is my newest most simplistic desire before I leave my house. It’s almost like my peri-menopausal heart likes a clean heart as it's best medicine
While I don't invite people into helping me cleanse my heart I do have an invitation for any woman who is guided by her own Natural Rhythms! If you have cleansing Tribal music you would like to add to our WOMAN'S GUIDE: CLEANSING-TRIBAL Spotify Play list...do reach out
My Body/Mind and heart favorite this morning..... Tribal softness....
There's also an Opportunity with the more modern playlist too. If you have music that moves you and helps you cleanse what needs to be cleansed in tribal or modern ways....Do reach out
I’m in year six of my own unique experience with what it means to move through the normal rite of passage called: A Woman’s Peri-meno-Post Menopausal Journey
While this post isn’t about the complexity of my entire story up to this point, I invite you to read Love Affair With Thy Self Movement which will explain a bit of it, including why a woman and mother with a Natural Rhythm of her own is following this path.
As an essential worker who works with seniors, I’ve begun my Vaccination Journey. It is my intention, desire and my commitment to move through my own Woman’s Peri-meno-post menopausal journey safely. I’ve noticed, the more I take care of myself, the more I have to give the people and places in my own life. I prefer giving via my own fullness because I’ve noticed, the more I do that the more value I can add or sprinkle on others. We all set our own bars on the life we wish to live and the love we wish to give, don’t we?
I live in Hawaii. There are very clear indicators as it relates to the Vaccination role out and what it means to be an essential worker. Phase A1 and Phase B1. Here, you have to have documentation to prove you fit in either category. I had to have a letter from the non-profit, a collection of pay stubs, and a formal ID. All things need to be in complete alignment and on the up and up. It’s amazing to witness how important the people who are collecting this information make sure everything aligns. The letterhead needs to match the who is paying you -pay stubs. Your ID as well.
From A Woman’s Peri-meno-post menopausal journey lens: There are distinctions and differences in these three seemingly similar yet very different phases. Being inside Peri-menopause while having PMDD since my first period as a teenager does mean I do have to be careful, mindful, cautious as it relates to my own immunity. Compromised, yet, while there is no cure for PMDD, Menopause is the cure. (I will give you a minute to digest that!
You may be asking yourself, what is PMDD? I will create a blog on that later. For now, here's a graph I designed a few years ago based on the science and an accidental gene mutation discovered a few years back:
HERE IS A VACCINATION TIME - LINE IN MY OWN WORLD
In June of 2020, I was bitten by a centipede. Hawaiian Style (That is it’s own unique thing) Therefore, I went to the doctors to get my Tdap (Teanus, diphtheria, acellular pertussis) immunization shot. That went into my right arm. While I was there, I was also encouraged to get a flu shot and the PPSV23 (Pneumococcal-polysaccharide) shot. Instinctively I thought about how I only have two arms and three vaccinations might be one too many for my peri-menopausal body already being in a significant transformational place to handle all that. I opted to say no to the flu shot and yes to the PPSV23. With the world being the way it was, that vaccine was my way of protecting myself and I recall how good, healthy and full of myself I felt when leaving the doctor’s office after making these individualised Yes/No decisions for my own health-well-being. That was day one, yet for several weeks both my arms hurt in a way, just lifting them felt like a chore. Then they seemed to take turns. It was this entire thing. Therefore, having that self knowledge and experience caused me to be more mindful prior to the newest vaccines emergence. I began doing some arm exercises a few months ago with the idea in my head that I didn’t want to experience that again!
That’s the thing about connecting to our own natural rhythms while honoring our phases, stages and our own experiences. It allows us to be proactive in the realm of strategizing based on our own phases, stages, our individual and collective stories combined and a lot more. Like many women with strong hormones (or women allergic to their own hormones) I like to take care of what I call my own HAZARD ZONES:
FAST FORWARD TO MARCH 2021 The mRNA, Pfizer-BioNTech was chosen for me. Just like many things in mid-life and for many people on the planet right now, I am living in the space in between. Add on being a middle-child (and the only girl) and I really have to confess, I am good, accustomed to living in that place in- between space on a lot of layers and a lot of levels!
I can’t tell anyone what their experience is or isn’t going to be. All I can do is share my own experience in hopes that other women who are in touch with their own natures at this time, this stage and this phase (And those with PMDD) are able to take what they want, what helps them and use it to their advantage. In my world, the seniors are extremely happy that I am on their path, only slightly behind because many of them are done with their second vaccine and they are doing good.
Day one was good to go. Arm soreness within an hour. Nothing Ibuprofen didn’t fix.
This was an extreme win for me!
Day two tired by 9 am. Nothing a good early nap couldn’t fix.
Day two evening. Felt like I was coming down with something. Nothing my homemade chicken noodle soup couldn’t only fix but gosh I slept so incredible that evening.
Day three lymphatic system *swelling in that *subtle way vs anything too uncomfortable but then as the day progressed I got this wildly painful pimple underneath the same arm where I got the shot.
(There are more than 20 lymph nodes (small lumps of tissue that are part of the body's lymphatic system, which helps fight infection) in the armpit.)
My arm was not sore but gosh that little pimple had way too much ouch power for my liking, however I didn’t want to do anything to disrupt the process of allowing my body to handle that whole thing and..... it did.
Day three evening I slept so amazingly that night too.
Day four-I experienced this wonderful full on Body feels clean Mind is nothingness Heart is clean.
All days after that: I was noticing I am releasing induced inflammation slowly and naturally.
AFTER ALL WAS SAID AND DONE
What I’ve also noticed about this journey process as it relates to my own. Having people to care about in the community is very encouraging in the realm of wearing masks and continuing to do what is right. By right I mean right for safety and ethics. That doesn’t always make people happy but when you are given a place in a community and you are responsible and accountable for many things-it does make it easier to re-commit when it’s dreadfully long and then it’s dreadfully too long and then it’s a year later. I miss things, like everyone else does however, it helps me to focus on myself in this stage and phase so that I may serve the best I can (which trust me, is rarely perfect!) It is my experience these past 6 years that this initiation into this rite of passage, there are a lot of unknowns with uncharted territories with continuous shifting, it seems like there is something new sometimes month to month, then year after year but it depends on a lot of factors.
For me, I am so looking forward to the Menopausal Cure after a long journey with PMDD! Not every woman is going to be that excited about menopause.
Hence why it is my on going, getting stronger every day belief: Our best medicine as women, is often.....to learn from one another where and when we can.
That reminds me. These Ted Talks are so lovely
Within this generation, an extra 30 years have been added to our life expectancy -- and these years aren't just a footnote or a pathology. At TEDxWomen, Jane Fonda asks how we can think about this new phase of our lives. This Ted talk is 9 years old. 9 years ago I wasn’t living inside the space of perimenopause. Therefore, this had no appeal to me. It does now This falls under new science, being open to learning what is true and new in “our now” as people on the planet, changing the conversation/narrative regarding what it means to move through our rites of passages. Jane Fonda speaks life into the reality, not the romanized fu-fu version but allowing us to understand what our options truly are. It’s not experience, it’s reflecting on our experiences…. Who can relate to this after the year we just had? I’d say alot of us! (I’m just guessing)
"Okay, I'll be the Needless Robot you want me to be.."
"They wanted the outcome and the fruit of my trait, but they didn't want my trait"
ALANIS MORISSETTE: overstimulation, misperception and challenges of being a highly sensitive person
And there it is AGAIN..............
The Too Much Woman
There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much. There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes. There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting. She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous. She is dangerous. And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit. Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much. She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her. Here I am. . . the Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions. A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept. I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself. And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space. I must. Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for ions—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature. And still. . . she thrives. If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman. And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance. Forget everything you’ve heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things. Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world. So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be. Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills. Please, rise. We need you. -- Ev’Yan Whitney